Why People Pleasers Never Feel They’re Enough
People pleasers are never able to say no. They are the first ones who always offer to help others. They are the ones others rely upon the most because they know you won’t let them down. People pleasers are normally kind, loving and giving to a fault. You may think that these are all good qualities, so why wouldn’t someone want to be a people pleaser?
The reason why it is harmful to be a people pleaser is because most people pleasers spend so much time taking care of others that they don’t make time to take care of themselves. They also are so used to being in control by helping everyone around them, that they won’t take any help from others when they need help themselves. People pleasers are often taken advantage of, and end up in toxic relationships. People pleasers often end up with chronic illness and die younger than everyone else around them.
Are you a People Pleaser?
You can never say no to anyone who asks you for a favor.
The reason why people pleasers can never say no is because they are afraid of disappointing people and when they think about saying no—they feel guilty. They feel guilty of letting the other person down, feeling sorry for that person. Another reason why the people pleaser can never say no is because they are scared about what other people may think about them. All of these reasons keep the people pleaser in a vicious cycle.
You put other needs ahead of your own
When you go around taking care and doing for others all of the time, you become exhausted. When are you going to find time for yourself? How can you make time for yourself? You end up sleep walking through your life because you are chronically running around helping others that you don’t even realize that you are hurting yourself. You must take care of yourself and your needs first.
You never ask for help from others
When you are running around taking care of others you are actually taking on the role of the person in control. You are the fixer, the savior, the person everyone speaks so highly of. It becomes your identity. It may feel good at the time but what is really happening is that you are like a robot. Looking good to everyone in your community and getting loads of praise at the expense of your physical and mental health. You become too prideful to ask for help when you actually need it. How can someone who helps everyone else possibly not be able to help themselves? Don’t let your ego take over. Ask for help.
You find yourself in toxic relationships
The type of people who are constantly asking someone else to do things for them are usually manipulative, selfish and will take advantage of anyone who will let them. The people pleaser thinks they are doing good deeds and in return they are well liked and respected. But the opposite is really happening. The people pleaser is not respected and thought of as a pushover. They may be liked but not for who they are but simply for what they can do for other people. Find someone who is willing to give as much as they receive.
You’re often mentally or physically drained
The reason why people pleasers more than likely end up with chronic illness and die younger than everyone else around them is because at the end of the day, they are never using their voice. They are stuffing their feelings. So instead of saying no, they begin to build up resentment that is never expressed.
We know through evidence-based research that the body holds on to suppressed emotions. These emotions sit in the body and cause aches and pains. Haven’t you heard the stories of people with a certain pain, let’s say a pain in their back. They are convinced that something is terribly wrong with them. They go to the doctor to be told that nothing is physically wrong, but the person knows that the pain is real. This is the repressed emotion that they have never allowed themselves to express. Over time, the body manifests those emotions into other things such as autoimmune disorders, irritable bowel syndrome, skin rashes, and even cancer.
Steps you can take to stop being a people pleaser
Next time someone asks you to do something and you really don’t or cannot do it simply take a deep breath and say, I normally always say yes to you, but today I am not able to help you. I hope you understand. This may sound scary but over time the more and more you say no the easier it will become. People may be upset at first because they are no longer getting what they want from you. Over time, they will begin to respect you because you are no longer running around helping others at the expense of yourself.
Love, Peace and Happiness!
Kirsten Louise Cantley